If you are getting divorced and you share children with your soon-to-be ex, you will be expected to fill out a parenting plan and submit it to the court for approval. The parenting plan is the document that describes how you and the other parent will raise your child as divorced co-parents.

The parenting plan is extensive, and parents will need to answer questions about how significant decisions will be made, who will take care of the children on what days, how children will be transported between the two homes, and much more. One parenting plan element that many people have questions about is the right of first refusal. In this blog, we will discuss the right of first refusal and how you can use this important right to benefit your co-parenting relationship as well as your relationship with your child.

The Right of First Refusal

When parents fill out their parenting plan, they will need to determine a parenting time schedule. Parenting time is when a parent supervises a child and provides for the child's needs. You may decide that one parent will have the child during the week while the other parent has the child during the weekend. Or, you may alternate weeks. Every parenting time schedule is slightly different because the parents and the child's needs are different.

Finances affect nearly every aspect of a divorce case, including property and debt division, child support, and spousal maintenance. To properly address these issues and end their marriage, divorcing spouses must provide a full accounting of their wages, property, debts, and expenses. Financial transparency during divorce is not only ethical, but it is also required by law. Spouses who hide money or property, lie about their earnings, or fabricate financial data can face serious penalties and may even be held in contempt of court.

How Do Spouses Misrepresent Finances in a Divorce?

Divorcing spouses who want to gain an advantage in a divorce case may lie about their financial circumstances. For example, a parent who is required to pay child support may report income from one job, but not the “under the table” cash earnings he or she gets from a second job.

Spouses may hide money or property by temporarily transferring the property to friends or family, relocating funds to offshore accounts, or even purposefully overpaying the IRS. Business owners, entrepreneurs, and individuals with complex financial portfolios often have abundant opportunities to misrepresent their financial situation. They simply adjust the numbers to make their financial situation look bleaker than it actually is. They often do this in hopes of getting a greater share of the marital estate during property division.

Mediation is a dispute resolution process that has become increasingly popular and effective as a method for resolving conflicts during divorce proceedings. If you are interested in divorce mediation, consider contacting a divorce attorney who has experience in mediation. Today, we will review what is most important to know about divorce mediation in Illinois.

The Many Benefits of Divorce Mediation

Mediation is a form of dispute resolution involving the strategic use of a third party to help reach an agreement. The mediator facilitates communication between the parties, helps them explore and understand their differences, and works to find a mutually acceptable solution for all parties. Mediation in divorce cases can have several advantages, including the following: 

• Cost – Mediation is much less expensive than going to court. Avoiding costly court appearances in divorce mediation can help keep costs down overall.

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If you have ever watched a television program or a movie that dealt with issues of domestic violence or abuse, you have probably heard the term “restraining order.” The phrase is often used colloquially to describe a directive issued by the court to protect a victim or potential victim from an alleged abuser. This is a source of confusion, however, for many Illinois residents. What most people know as a “restraining order” is actually called an “order of protection” in Illinois. Restraining orders, by comparison, are used by Illinois courts as a form of equitable relief in civil matters.

Temporary Restraining Orders

A temporary restraining order (TRO) is a type of injunction that can be requested by a party in any civil court case. An injunction, at its most basic, is a court order that requires the opposing party to stop doing or to avoid doing a particular thing. A temporary restraining order is often the first step in seeking a permanent injunction. If the situation is serious enough, a TRO can be issued for up to 10 days until a judge can make a ruling on a preliminary or permanent injunction. Violations of TROs are dealt with in civil court and typically incur monetary sanctions and penalties.

Temporary restraining orders can be used in divorce and family law proceedings as well. TROs and preliminary injunctions may be necessary to prevent a party from spending, moving, or disposing of assets, taking a child outside of the court’s jurisdiction, and other destructive or undesirable behaviors.

If you are a divorced parent, the state of Illinois requires both you and your former spouse to contribute to your children’s financial needs. Every three years, the state will invite you to review and possibly modify your existing order for child support. But what if a child’s needs or your financial situation change substantially before then? In that case, you can petition the court to have the child support order modified. 

What Qualifies as a Substantial Change in Circumstances?

You may be a good candidate for a child support modification in a variety of situations. Some of the most common include:

• Your child’s needs have changed considerably since the last order—a new health condition, for example—and you want your ex to help pay those added costs. 

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Most of the time, a divorce is something that both you and your spouse can see coming and make plans regarding how to handle it. On occasion, however, it comes as a surprise. The pop culture scene of the husband or wife being served at their door with divorce papers does still happen in this day and age. If this does happen to you, it is important that you react quickly. If you do not, and your spouse has malicious intentions, you may be put in a very difficult position.

Information Is Key

According to current estimates, as many as two of every three marriages experience issues with hidden assets. If your spouse decides to file for divorce first, it gives him or her the advantage of time in which they may attempt to conceal property or revenue streams. Though there is very little legal advantage to filing first, some spouses do use the element of surprise in an effort to manipulate the proceedings. In addition to possibly hiding assets, some may try “conflict out”—which means meeting with the top-rated divorce attorneys in a certain area, so as to establish an attorney-client relationship, thus leaving the other spouse with no available attorney without a potential conflict of interest.

The most intelligent thing you can possibly do if you are served divorce papers is to gather any and all household information and make sure you have it on hand. Making copies of documents such as tax returns, insurance policies, bank statements and the like can serve you well in the future. By doing so, you may be then able to stop any attempt at concealment. This can also apply to household possessions, as taking an inventory of valuables like jewelry, artwork, stocks, and bonds can help prevent an attempt by your spouse to omit the existence or misrepresent the value of such items.

As anyone who has children can attest, it is not easy to be a parent. Parenting is infinitely more challenging after a divorce or breakup, especially if the other parent has been granted substantially more parental responsibilities and parenting time than you have. Under the law in Illinois, you have the right to reasonable parenting time with your child, but exercising that right can be difficult. Additionally, you might have personal issues of your own that have led the court to restrict your parenting time rights. A situation such as this can be extremely challenging, but it is not necessarily a permanent state of affairs, and there are some steps you can take toward getting your full parenting time rights restored.  

#1. Understand the Reasons

According to Illinois law, your parenting time rights cannot be restricted simply because a judge does not like you or the way you are living your life. The court must issue a finding that you or your lifestyle poses serious physical, mental, moral, or emotional dangers to your child, and the finding must be specific enough for you to address the court’s concerns. Common grounds for parenting time restrictions include alcohol or drug abuse issues, concerns regarding instances of physical or emotional abuse, and association with dangerous individuals. Only after you understand why the court has restricted your parenting time can you start taking steps to improve your situation.

#2. Comply With the Restrictions

As you work to resolve the issues that led to your parenting time restrictions, whether they are substance abuse problems, domestic abuse concerns, or your social circle, it is absolutely critical that you comply with any restrictions the court has handed down. If the court has allowed you just one supervised hour with your child each week, make every minute count. Do everything you can to show your dedication to becoming a better person and parent. If you attempt to get around the restrictions, your actions are likely to damage your case, and you could have your parental rights terminated altogether.

It is hard to imagine a world without social media, yet these sites have only been around for about 20 years or so. There is no debate over how quickly sites like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have become a crucial part of society, with many users posting much information about their lives on a daily basis. Scroll down any site’s news feed, and you will likely find an abundance of information regarding your family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances—the good, the bad, and the ugly. But, can posting all this personal information have an effect on the outcome of a couple’s divorce or child custody dispute?

Many family law attorneys will instruct their clients to carefully limit what they post to their social media sites and may instruct them to stay away from these sites completely until their divorce case is settled. On the other side of the coin, attorneys also use these sites to gather evidence against the other spouse, and even innocent postings can be spun to cause serious damage to the other side’s case.

Social Media Posts Often Lack Context

It is not uncommon for a person’s social media to be used to call their parenting abilities into question. For example, a person who is a very good parent, completely involved and responsible in their child’s life, might go out with friends one night—something that is a rare occasion for them. A photo of the group of friends out and having a good time at a nightclub and toasting each other ends up on Facebook. Suddenly, that photo is being introduced as evidence in a child custody proceeding in an effort to suggest that the person is an irresponsible parent who drinks too much. As the old saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” and without the proper context, such a photo could certainly create a less than flattering impression.

The winter holiday season is a special time of year for many of us. Families that celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, or other winter holidays will gather for special meals, the exchanging of presents, and reunions with old friends. As the holiday season continues, many hopeful romantics are making one the biggest decisions of their lives: getting engaged to be married. In fact, Christmas Day is one of the most popular days of the year for popping the big question. If you are planning to get engaged this holiday season, firstly – congratulations! As you plan for your wedding, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

Prenuptial Agreements

As you plan for the big day, one decision you and your partner will need to make is if you will sign a prenuptial agreement. Prenuptial agreements are also called premarital agreements or "prenups.” The purpose of this legal document is to ensure the property and financial rights of each spouse in the event that the marriage ends in divorce. Obviously, planning for a possible divorce before a couple has even gotten married is not exactly romantic. The topic may be uncomfortable to talk about, but prenuptial agreements can be vital in protecting your financial interests and rights.

Even if your current relationship is strong and you believe that the marriage will last, it is important to plan for the worst-case scenario. Having a prenuptial agreement in place can be invaluable during a divorce. It can simplify property division and spousal support decisions, as well as save the couple from tedious negotiations.

Halloween has come and gone, which means that the winter holiday season is almost upon us. Over the next few weeks, there will be a number of holidays that you and your family may choose to celebrate.

If this is your first holiday season as a recently separated or divorced parent, you may understandably feel upset and disappointed. Holidays are simply not the same without the familiar sounds of children laughing and having fun. Parents may argue about which parent will spend which holiday with the children because they simply do not want to miss the experience. While there is no way to eliminate the pain of missing your children, there may be a way for you and your child’s other parent to work out a holiday parenting time schedule that works for both of you.

Put Holiday Arrangements in Your Parenting Plan

As a parent getting divorced in Illinois, you will be asked to create a parenting plan or parenting agreement. The agreement must include several provisions that detail how parental responsibilities and parenting time are divided between the parents. You will also want to include information about where the children will spend the major holidays. Some parents choose to split the holidays between them. For example, one parent may have the children on Thanksgiving and the other has the children on Christmas. Other parents decide to make a rotation schedule so that parents spend certain holidays with the children every other year. The most important thing is to decide on an arrangement as soon as possible so that you can avoid having the same argument about where the kids will spend holidays every year.

For parents with young children, celebrating Halloween can be quite a joy. Many parents enjoy dressing up their children in cute costumes and taking them trick-or-treating. Divorced parents generally want to join in the fun, too - Halloween only comes once per year. It can be difficult for divorced parents to plan out how they will celebrate the holiday with their child. Generally, neither parent wants to be left out, but the child cannot be in two places at once. Many parents solve this problem by deciding who will participate in which tradition with their child or by planning separate events at separate times. When this planning is done well, both parents can experience the joys of celebrating Halloween with an excited child. Having an enjoyable Halloween can take a bit of planning. You may need to communicate with your child’s other parent quite a bit while making a plan, and you may both need to compromise. When both parents are willing to participate, everyone - including the child - can have a wonderful Halloween. 

Tips for Divorced Parents Planning Halloween Celebrations

With a little planning and cooperation, Halloween can be great fun for parents who are divorced and their children. Helpful tips include: 

• Consider combining - If you and the other parent are amicable, you may still enjoy taking your child trick-or-treating as a team. This arrangement allows you both to enjoy watching your child collect candy. However, be sure that you can do so without having an argument. 

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As a parent, it can be worrying to learn that a guardian ad litem has been appointed for your children during custody proceedings, incident to a divorce or otherwise. The term “guardian” carries connotations that can be concerning for parents, but rest assured that guardians ad litem are a perfectly normal part of a custody case. When it begins to appear that a dispute regarding the allocation of parenting time and parental responsibilities is likely to be litigated, courts frequently bring in a guardian ad litem to help the court understand what type of arrangement is likely to be best for the children. 

In Illinois, all concerns regarding child custody are to be resolved in the best interests of the children. It can be difficult for a court to discern the children’s needs and wishes without an investigation by a guardian ad litem, as children, particularly young ones, are not able to speak for themselves in court as an adult could. If you expect that your child custody dispute will need to be resolved judicially and a guardian ad litem is involved, it is critical that you are represented by an experienced attorney. 

Understanding the Role of a Guardian ad Litem

The duty of the guardian ad litem is to conduct an investigation into the children’s or child’s best interests. There is an enumerated list of factors that courts must consider in making decisions regarding the allocation of parenting time and parental responsibilities. A guardian ad litem is familiar with these factors and will investigate accordingly. 

Dividing marital property during divorce can be a difficult process. When one household splits into two households, both need things like furniture - then of course, there is the house itself. Courts in Illinois aim to divide marital property in a fair and equitable way. Of course, you and your spouse are likely to disagree about what type of division is fair and equitable. It can be very challenging for a judge who does not know much about your and your spouse to arrive at a decision that is fair to both of you. There are a number of factors that courts can consider when trying to divide the money, debts, and property that married couples have acquired. Keep in mind that if you are not happy with the idea of letting a court make these important decisions, you have the option of using mediation or negotiation to work out a fair division with your spouse. You should be represented by an attorney throughout either process. 

Factors Illinois Courts Use to Make Decisions About Marital Property

Fair and equitable does not mean completely equal. You and your spouse have different needs and abilities, and that could affect how your property will be distributed. Factors the court may consider include: 

• Contribution - Although this factor is not decisive, courts will consider whose income was used for certain things and which party made greater economic contributions. If you are a homemaker, do not worry, courts view domestic labor as a valuable economic contribution. 

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Social media can be a great way to stay in touch with loved ones near and far at a time when you may feel very isolated and alone. You may, very understandably, want to vent to your followers on Twitter or update your relatives as a group via Facebook. However, this can backfire in sometimes unforeseeable ways. Especially during a divorce, you do not want to accidentally post something that your spouse could later use against you in some way. Even if you post privately, there is a strong chance that the post will be leaked to your spouse in some way. It is best to avoid talking much about your divorce, your spouse, and your marriage on social media and to keep your posts focused on yourself. If you are ever unsure about whether a post might cause trouble, you can always check with your lawyer before you click “post.” 

Strategies for Careful Social Media Use With a Pending Divorce

Even if you are positive that your divorce will not go to litigation, it is still best to avoid potentially troublesome posts. In fact, if you are actively negotiating with your spouse in an effort to resolve your divorce, then it may be of particular importance that you avoid antagonistic posts. Some helpful tips for using social media during divorce include: 

• Leave the past alone- You have nothing to gain from rehashing your marital woes in a public or semi-public forum. You are free to do so over a glass of wine or dinner with your friends, but it is not wise to blog about the breakdown of your marriage. If nothing else, your spouse may see it and retaliate in kind. 

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If you are a parent involved in an ongoing legal battle over parenting time and the allocation of parental responsibilities, you may be wondering whether your child will have any say in the matter. Since Illinois courts are required to decide all child custody issues in favor of the child’s best interests, it would only seem natural that the wants and needs a child expresses would be important. However, children are not always the best at recognizing their own self-interest. This is what parents are for–deciding what is best for the child and doing it. While a child’s expressed wishes are relevant to a court’s custody decision, parenting time arrangements are never left up to the child. If you are fighting for custody of your child, it is important to have an attorney who understands the court’s decision-making process. 

How Are a Child’s Wishes Factored into the Court’s Decision?

Illinois courts use a list of factors to help them determine what course of action is in the best interests of the child. Other factors include things like the mental and physical health of all parties, and how well the child is adjusted to their current school and community. One of those factors is the expressed wishes of the child. However, the court will also consider the age, maturity, and capacity to make responsible decisions. 

As a parent, you are likely aware that young children in particular are easy to manipulate. Parents may try tactics from bribing a preschool-aged child with ice cream to badmouthing the other parent to a middle schooler in order to manipulate the child. A child who has been bribed or influenced may tell the court that they wish to remain with the manipulator-parent, but courts can take these words with a grain of salt. 

Adopting a child can be an amazing way to grow your family. People adopt for all kinds of different reasons. Some do it out of necessity because the child of a family member or friend needs a new loving home. Other couples adopt because they are unable to have children of their own - gay and lesbian couples often fall into this category. There are also people who choose adoption for moral reasons, preferring to give a home to existing children in need rather than trying for a biological child. No matter the situation, adoption can be a long and costly process. Only the truly committed prospective parents make it through the process and are finally able to bring home their new legal child. However, children older than babies may have some trouble adjusting. A little patience and understanding can go a long way. 

Tips for Helping Your Adopted Child Adjust to Your Home

Toddlers and older children alike may experience emotional distress when they are moved into a new permanent home with their adoptive parents. Adopted children may have spent some time in foster care or a group home, or they may have had a difficult home life with their biological parents for some time. Some tips that may help you help them include: 

• Therapy - If your new child is not already in therapy, now is the time to start. A qualified child psychologist may be able to help your child cope with any distressing feelings they are having about forming a new family. You and your partner may also want to consider therapy for yourselves to help you learn to adjust to parenthood. Family counseling can also be a great idea. A therapist can help you and your child communicate more effectively and understand each other better. 

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If you have an Order of Protection against your spouse, there is probably a very good reason behind it. While there are certainly a few people who use protection orders abusively, the vast majority of people who hold one truly need it to stay safe. Most protection orders force the dangerous spouse to immediately leave the marital home and not return, except with police escort to pick up a few personal items. You probably felt much safer knowing that your spouse cannot legally contact you or come to your home or workplace. Unfortunately, a protection order is a piece of paper, not a comprehensive security system. There is always a chance that your ex may choose to ignore it and contact you or show up anyway. It is important that you know how to handle this situation should it arise. An attorney can give you more specific advice that pertains to your own individual situation. 

Reacting to a Restraining Order Violation

Your safety and the safety of any children you have is paramount. If your spouse is willing to violate a legal protection order, you may be in danger. If your ex disregards your protection order, steps you can take include: 

• Get to safety - If your spouse appears at your home, get to a secured area. Lock yourself and your children in a room that your spouse cannot easily get into if possible. If you have a defense weapon like a stun gun or pepper spray, take it with you. 

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Divorce can be difficult for children of any age, from infants to teenagers. Even adult children may struggle with seeing their parents get divorced. When you and your spouse have minor children at home, then working together to provide consistent and loving parenting during this time of transition can make all the difference. Custody battles in particular can be difficult for kids to cope with. Children need a sense of stability, so it is especially important to care for their emotional needs if their primary residence will change, or if they will enter a new school. While working with your spouse may not be easy, it may be necessary to protect the children’s well-being. It is also important to ensure that you are represented by an experienced divorce and child custody attorney. 

Meeting Your Children’s Needs During a Divorce

Children - in most cases - need love and guidance from both of their parents. Note that there are exceptions if your spouse has been abusive towards the children. If that is the case, then keeping your children safe from your spouse is the top priority. Otherwise, successful co-parenting can go a long way toward helping your children adjust to a new way of life. Tips include: 

• Avoid blaming - It can be tempting to point the finger at your children’s other parent, especially if the divorce is a result of their wrongdoing. However, blaming each other is not going to help your children adjust and is only likely to lead to resentment. You should also be careful to ensure that your children know the divorce is not their fault. 

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While most spouses can make a divorce strategy like mediation or negotiation work, some cannot. Maybe your spouse is being utterly unreasonable and will not compromise. Or maybe your spouse has a substance abuse or mental health problem and will not participate in alternative dispute resolution. In cases involving spousal abuse, your attorney may recommend that you do not even attempt to resolve your divorce out of court. While few people want to go through divorce litigation, it may sometimes be your only option if you want to get your divorce finalized. It is important to understand what to expect during the divorce litigation process. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to work with an experienced and aggressive divorce attorney. 

What to Expect During Divorce Litigation

Litigation is rarely pleasant, but if you must go through it you should know what to expect. When you are going through a contested divorce, you should prepare for: 

• Time commitment - Depending on factors like the value of your marital property and whether you share children, divorce litigation can be very time-consuming. You will likely need to take several days or more off from work to appear in court. 

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Divorce mediation offers a lot of benefits over divorce litigation. The results of litigation can be unpredictable, but with mediation, you and your spouse can remain in control. Mediation is also less costly and typically less time-consuming than going to court. It can also spare any children involved some stress and offer them a sense of stability knowing that their parents can still cooperate. However, actually going through the mediation process can still be difficult. It can take several sessions to get every issue worked out, or you could wind up going back and forth on the phone for a while. You and your spouse will both need to stay committed to the process. If you are interested in divorce mediation as an alternative to litigation, an attorney can tell you more. 

Helpful Tips for Navigating Divorce Mediation

While going through mediation may bring up some strong emotions and feel stressful, it is still easier for most than going through a trial. Some tips that may help you successfully mediate your divorce include: 

• Compromise - Accept that you are going to have to compromise. This may mean giving up something that you wanted in order to keep the process productive.

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